WHEN “BENCHING” BECOMES A LESSON — AND WHEN IT BECOMES A RISK (S)

Written By Lee Dunne

A Parent’s Guide to Understanding Playing Time and Discipline in Youth Sports

As parents, few things sting more than seeing your child sitting on the bench.

You may wonder:

  • Is this about performance?

  • Did they do something wrong?

  • Is this helping them grow — or hurting their confidence?

A recent study published in the International Journal of Sport and Exercise Psychology explored how youth coaches view benching when it’s used as a form of discipline — not for tactics or rest, but in response to behavior like poor attitude, lack of effort, or breaking team rules.

Here’s what parents should know — in simple terms.

1️⃣ Why Coaches Say They Bench Players

In the study, coaches believed benching could:

✔ Teach Consequences

Some coaches felt benching helps athletes “learn quickly there are consequences for their actions”.

Their thinking:

  • Playing time is valuable.

  • Losing it sends a clear message.

  • It may deter repeat behavior.

✔ Build “Mental Toughness”

Many coaches believed being benched helps kids:

  • Handle adversity

  • Develop resilience

  • Come back stronger

✔ Protect Team Culture

Coaches also said benching:

  • Reinforces accountability

  • Shows fairness (rules apply to everyone)

  • Protects team chemistry if one player is disruptive

From a coach’s perspective, benching can feel like a leadership tool.

2️⃣ What Research Suggests Might Also Happen

Here’s where it gets more complex.

The same article highlights that while coaches see potential benefits, athletes often experience benching very differently.

⚠ Confidence Can Drop

Players may interpret benching as:

  • “I’m not good enough.”

  • “Coach doesn’t believe in me.”

  • “I let everyone down.”

Even when benching is about behavior, kids often link it to ability.

⚠ Fear Replaces Learning

Instead of reflecting and improving, some athletes:

  • Become anxious

  • Play scared

  • Avoid mistakes rather than grow from them

Short-term compliance (“I don’t want to get benched again”) isn’t always the same as long-term learning.

⚠ Relationship Strain

Coaches in the study admitted benching can temporarily damage the coach-athlete relationship — causing:

  • Anger

  • Doubt

  • Loss of trust

And in some cases, repeated loss of playing time contributed to kids leaving sport altogether.

That’s the part parents need to pay attention to.

3️⃣ The Real Question: What Is Your Child Learning?

Benching is not automatically “good” or “bad.”

The difference often comes down to how it’s handled.

Helpful benching tends to include:

  • Clear communication about why

  • A path back to playing time

  • Reinforcement that the child still matters

  • Focus on behavior, not identity

Harmful benching often:

  • Feels unpredictable

  • Focuses only on winning

  • Is tied to mistakes rather than effort

  • Lacks explanation

Kids don’t just process the action. They interpret the meaning.

Note also, if you have a balanced playing time team, then being benched is expected, potentially framed as a ‘rotation’ versus being benched.

4️⃣ What Parents Can Do

Instead of reacting emotionally in the moment, try this:

🟢 Ask Reflective Questions

  • “What do you think coach was trying to teach?”

  • “What did you learn from that experience?”

  • “Do you understand what needs to change?”

🟢 Separate Identity From Outcome

Reinforce:

  • “Playing time doesn’t define you.”

  • “Mistakes are part of growth.”

  • “Your value isn’t measured in minutes.”

🟢 Watch for Warning Signs

Be alert if your child:

  • Becomes unusually anxious before games

  • Says they’re afraid to make mistakes

  • Expresses feeling worthless or unwanted

  • Talks about quitting

That’s when the bench may be doing more harm than good.

5️⃣ Big Picture for Player Development

This study reminds us of something important:

Coaches often believe negative effects of benching are short-term and due to misunderstanding.

But kids’ experiences can be deeper and more emotional.

In youth sports — especially if you’re navigating competitive environments — development should include:

  • Skill growth

  • Emotional resilience

  • Healthy relationships

  • A love of the game

If discipline supports those, great.

If it undermines them, it deserves attention.

Final Thought for Parents

Playing time is powerful. For kids, it represents:

  • Belonging

  • Competence

  • Contribution

When it’s taken away, it can either teach responsibility — or damage confidence.

Your role isn’t to shield your child from adversity.

Your role is to help them interpret adversity in a healthy way.

That’s what keeps them growing.

And more importantly — that’s what keeps them playing.

Source - https://research.ebsco.com/c/ix3dnl/viewer/pdf/dszco2smdv

Lee Dunne
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