Power Question #1: What's one thing you tried today?

There are easier questions to ask after a training session or a game. "How was it?" "Did you win?" "How many goals did you score?" These come out automatically, and your child has a one-word answer ready before they even sit down in the car.

"What's one thing you tried today?" is harder. That's why it's a power question.

Why is this a power question?

Most of what parents say after a game accidentally focuses on outcomes — wins, losses, goals, mistakes. Outcomes are what we see. Outcomes are what feel important.

But development happens at the attempt layer, not the outcome layer. A player who tried a new move and lost the ball learned something. A player who scored two goals doing what they always do learned less.

Asking what they tried does three things at once: it tells your child that attempting matters, not just succeeding; it surfaces something specific you can actually talk about; and it quietly trains them to think of training and games as places to experiment, not places to perform.

The single word that does the work in that question is "tried." It carries no judgment about whether the thing worked. It just asks for one new thing your child reached for.

What to do if you are uncomfortable asking the question

The first few times, it might feel awkward. Your child may look at you like you've grown a second head. They may say "I don't know" or "nothing." That's normal.

A few things help. Don't ask it as a quiz — tone matters. The same question said warmly is curiosity; said sternly, it sounds like a performance review. Be okay with silence. Don't fill the gap if they hesitate; the hesitation is the question doing work as they scan their session for something to share. And take their first answer — if they say "I tried a step-over and it didn't work," resist the urge to coach. The conversation is the win, not the analysis.

If it still feels off, soften the opener: "I was wondering — was there anything you tried today that was new?" Same intent, lower stakes.

What you might learn

Once your child starts answering, the answers can be surprisingly specific. "I tried to dribble at that big kid on the wing instead of passing back." "I tried to scan before I got the ball. I forgot twice." "I tried not to yell at my teammate when she lost the ball."

Each one of these tells you what your child is actually working on — which is often very different from what you assumed they were working on. You start to see their game from the inside.

You might also learn what they aren't trying. A child who can never name something they tried may be playing it safe — running the same plays, avoiding mistakes, hoping to look good. That's its own piece of information.

How you can probe for more if your player is interested

If they want to keep talking, two follow-ups work well: "How did it go?" — not as a verdict, but as curiosity. Let them tell the story of whether it worked. And "Would you try it again?" — this gets at their own evaluation, often more useful than yours.

If they're really in the mood, you can ask: "What's something you want to try next time?" That turns the conversation forward and gives them an intention to carry into the next session.

Don't push past their interest. If their answer is short and they want to be done, the conversation is done. The question succeeded the moment they thought about it.

A takeaway

The question a parent asks after a game shapes what the child thinks the game is for.

"Did you win?" makes it about results. "Did you have fun?" makes it about feelings. "What's one thing you tried today?" makes it about growth.

Use it once a week and watch what they start telling you.