Power Question #18: What made you proud?
Pride is a quiet feeling. Most parents ask their kids if they're proud of themselves, but the better question is open: what made you proud — anything, anyone.
Why is this a power question?
Pride tells you what your child values. The thing they're proud of is the thing they consider worth doing — which is information you almost never get any other way.
It also surfaces the quiet wins. A child might mention they're proud of staying calm when the ref made a bad call. That's not a moment anyone else noticed. But it tells you they're working on something internal, and they noticed they pulled it off. That's huge.
Pride also gets at whose values your child is internalizing. A player who's proud of scoring a goal is operating with one value system. A player who's proud of helping a teammate or sticking up for someone is operating with another. Both are fine. Both are worth knowing about.
What to do if you are uncomfortable asking the question
The discomfort here is mostly cultural. In some families, being proud is a feeling kids are taught to be quiet about. Asking the question can feel like inviting them to brag.
Frame matters. Ask gently. "Anything that made you feel proud out there?" is lighter than "What are you most proud of?"
If your child can't name anything, that's worth noticing without forcing. Some kids don't have ready access to pride as a feeling. That's a developmental skill they can grow into. Just by asking, you're modeling that it's okay to notice pride in yourself.
What you might learn
The answers vary widely:
"That I didn't quit when we were down 3-0." "That I made the pass even though I was scared." "That my teammate told me I was a good teammate." "That I tracked all the way back when I usually don't."
What you're listening for is the kind of pride. Is it about effort? Courage? Skill? Relationships? All of these are healthy. They tell you what your child is working on becoming.
You'll also learn what kinds of moments make your child feel small instead of proud. A kid who reflexively dismisses "nothing really, I wasn't that good" may be in a self-critical loop. That's worth gentle noticing.
How you can probe for more if your player is interested
"What made that the proud moment?" — gets at the underlying value.
"Was anyone else proud of you?" — opens up the social layer.
"Is that the kind of thing you usually feel proud of?" — turns it into a pattern.
A takeaway
Pride tells you what your child values. "What made you proud?" is one of the most direct windows into their developing character that a parent has access to. Ask it. Listen carefully. The answers tell you who they're becoming.
