Power Question #19: Who do you want to be a better teammate to?
This one's harder than it sounds. Most kids haven't thought about it. Which is exactly why asking matters.
Why is this a power question?
It puts the responsibility of teammate quality in your child's hands. Not who's not being a good teammate to you, not who do you wish was nicer to you on the team — but who do YOU want to be better for.
That reversal is everything. It treats your child as an agent of the team's culture, not just a recipient of it. Players who think of themselves as builders of the team environment grow into the kind of people coaches and teammates rely on.
The question also surfaces relationships that might be drifting. The teammate your child names is often someone they've been quietly distant from — maybe because of an old slight, maybe because of a clique dynamic, maybe just because they sit in different parts of the bench. Naming the person is the first step toward closing the gap.
What to do if you are uncomfortable asking the question
Parents sometimes worry this'll trigger a defensive answer. "I'm a good teammate to everyone!" It might. Don't argue.
Reframe lightly. "Of course — but is there someone you'd like to be especially good to this week?" takes the sting out and turns it forward.
If they can't name anyone, that's fine. The question planted the seed.
If they name someone they have a real conflict with, hold the moment lightly. "What would that look like?" lets them imagine the gesture without you choreographing it.
What you might learn
The answers can be surprisingly specific:
"Sarah — she's new and I haven't really talked to her yet." "Marcus — he's been off lately." "Lily — I was kind of mean to her last week." "The new goalkeeper — nobody really talks to her."
That last one — the goalkeeper, the quiet kid, the new player — is often what your child names. Goalkeepers especially live a slightly lonely life on most teams. A child who notices that is a child with social radar worth nurturing.
How you can probe for more if your player is interested
"What's one small thing you could do this week?" — turns intention into a concrete next step.
"Has anyone been a better teammate to you lately?" — flips the lens and models the kind of gesture they're considering.
"Why that person?" — gets at what they're noticing about the dynamic.
A takeaway
Teammates aren't passive. They're builders or eroders of the team's quality. "Who do you want to be a better teammate to?" is the question that hands your child the builder's role — and quietly tells them you think they're capable of it.
