Power Question #5: What did your coach ask you to work on?
Two things make this question different from the others on the list.
First, it gives your child the chance to quote their coach. That's useful — it puts the coach's voice in the conversation, which keeps you from accidentally contradicting it.
Second, it surfaces something concrete. Most "how was practice?" questions get vague answers. This one gets a real one.
Why is this a power question?
The space between "what did your coach say" and "what would you do differently" is enormous. The first is reportable. The second is interpretive. Younger players, and tired players, almost always do better with reportable.
So this is the question for those moments. It works at twelve. It works at sixteen. It works the night after a hard session when nobody wants to think much.
It also serves a quieter function. When you ask what the coach asked, you're communicating that you take the coach's instruction seriously — that you see the coach as the development authority, not yourself. That alignment is important. Most kids can tell when a parent is competing with the coach for influence over their game. They usually pick the coach. The parents who hold that line — "the coach is the coach, my job is to support what they're working on" — actually end up with more developmental influence, not less.
What to do if you are uncomfortable asking the question
The discomfort here usually isn't about the question. It's about the answer.
What if they say "nothing"? What if the coach genuinely isn't giving direction? What if your child can't remember anything the coach said?
A few notes.
If they say "nothing" repeatedly across multiple sessions, that's information. It might mean the coach is in a stretch of just running scrimmages with little instruction. That happens, and it's not always a problem. It might also mean your child isn't tuning in to the coaching when it does happen. That's worth noticing without making a big deal of it.
If they say "I don't know" — that's almost always just a tired-brain answer. Ask again in a day or two. Or rephrase: "Was there anything the coach pulled you aside for?"
If they share something and you privately disagree with the coaching, hold the line. Your job isn't to second-guess the coach — your job is to help your child engage with whatever the coach is working on with them. If the disagreement is serious, that's a separate conversation, with the coach, not your child.
What you might learn
The answers to this question are often pleasantly specific:
"He told me to keep my back foot turned when I receive."
"She wants me to be louder when I'm playing center back."
"He said I'm doing the runs but I'm not finishing them."
That kind of detail tells you exactly what your child is working on — which means you can support it without inventing your own list. "Your coach asked you to be louder — want to practice that at the dinner table?" lands differently than "I think you need to be more vocal."
You'll also occasionally learn that the coach is asking your child to work on something you wouldn't have prioritized. That's normal. The coach sees them inside a system you don't see. Trust it for a while before questioning it.
How you can probe for more if your player is interested
The natural follow-up is also the best one.
"How are you working on it?" — gets at whether they have a plan, or are just nodding when the coach speaks.
"Is it helping?" — gets at their own evaluation of the work.
"Do you want to do anything at home for it?" — only ask if you've shown you can handle a "no." Some kids want home support; some really don't. Either is fine.
A takeaway
A parent who can say "the coach is asking you to do X, how can I help you work on that?" is a parent who has stayed aligned with the coach — which is one of the highest-leverage things a parent can do for their child's development.
This one question, asked regularly, builds the alignment automatically.
